Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do herpes really smell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize