After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
