Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
