I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
