it was like his penis was on wheels.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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