I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
