Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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