I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
