Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
