My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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