Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
