woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
