nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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