you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
