It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
