I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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