I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize