Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
