i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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