And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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