he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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