listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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