Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
