Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
