I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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