im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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