just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
