I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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