my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
