dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
