I look better un-naked...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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