Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize