What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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