Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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