why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
