I am puke
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
