Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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