just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it glows. i had to have it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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