Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is an emotional support booty call
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
