We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
