My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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