So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
