im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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