saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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