I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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