he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
