i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize