I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
