He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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