Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
