I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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