there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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