i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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