how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's never too late to be topless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
