Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
