i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
