Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
