my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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