I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
