the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
