No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize