My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
