You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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