i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
