Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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