No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
