Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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