I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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