I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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