I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
