Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
