my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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