Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
