Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
